Within My Heart
Author: japancat
Content Rating: PT
Published: 2012-07-02 01:10:56
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Romance, Hiei, Mukuro, HieiMukuro

Hiei thinking about his relationship with Mukuro.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
Man, this one's... OLD!

I'm dead inside. I killed myself inside years ago. Why not? They say I'm cold blooded and that I have no heart. I don't know why they expect me to act like I give a damn when they shut me out just for being born. Why have a heart when there's no reason to smile anyway?


You've called me a thousand times but I never answered. You sometimes smile when you see me and then I wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

I feel like a wanderer that was exiled from every country he's been in but finally found a place that would take him. And why? Is it because you saw our eyes were the same- empty? Was it because we both went through hell most of our lives and you just want to find a way to ease the pain?

You told me I wanted to be accepted. And...

And you were right, I guess.

You tell me you love me but you have a sad look in your eyes when you say it. (Or is that the way your eyes always look? Have I ever really looked...?) Do you mean it or is it only out of your pity for me? Is it all because YOU want to be the one who accepts me?

...But still. Why?

Still you hold me in a tight embrace like you don't want me to break away. You know I won't leave you because there's nowhere for me to go. I don't give a damn.

I don't know who needs the other more anyway. I just wanted to accepted by someone, right? Wasn't that enough for me? There isn't anything in my childhood that I needed help overcoming. I don't have to kill the demons of my loneliness because I'm not lonely at all. You don't feel it if there was no one by your side in the first place. For all I care, I could've stayed alone all my life. It makes no difference.

There's no answer when I look at you. Your face never seems to have an expression on it. I think inside you pity me. I don't want your pity... And when you look at me, it doesn't FEEL like you're looking at me. It's more like you look THROUGH me... Do you smile to hide it? Something in your kiss tells me not...

Once again, I ask why...

If I could, I would leave it all behind. But I can't because of you.

And I hate you for loving me.


I still have to say it because I still mean it...

"I love you."

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