1945 Ch 3: 1992 and on
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-02 00:56:42
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Kirin, Mukuro

And after the tournie....

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
Oh yeah and this year is the year the end of the Cold War occurred. I wrote this on paper starting in May 2010 and ended in August of 2010. (Does anyone care?) So let's get this finished. Haha, demons. Glasnost is translated to openness/honesty. It's Mikhail Gorbachev's policy in which he took old Soviet records to show the evils of previous Premiers. (Generally it was Josef Stalin and Vladimir I. Lenin.) Perestroika is translated to restructuring and it's a policy by Gorbachev in which he tried to recover the USSR after failed campaigns like Stalin's CommiCon (the Soviet Marshall Plan, an economic aid to foreign countries.) Other than being two of the five Russian words I know (the others being da, nyet, and babushka) they actually caused the Soviet Union to go to pieces because the people began to see that their communism didn't quite work it. I'm staring at Hiei as I'm writing this and laughing. If you haven't read Lovecraft Anon, you won't understand. (Also listening to a Russian song…) I don't recommend you do so. You do it if you want. The quote Mukuro says has been accredited to Stalin. But it turns out some guy made that shit up only because he thought it was something he would say. What a D-bag. (Like Ambrosse.) Mess tins are where the military goes to get food. Basically a cafeteria. Barracks are where they sleep basically. Yeah. I learned this from JROTC. Freaking Let 2. And the reasoning behind multiple life sentences is exactly what was written here, I shit you not (Life sentences are like eighty years I think.) Okay, you guys are bored now. You didn't come over here to read history. And you wanted no philosophy but Mukuro was all like "F your face." So… Yeah. Thanks for reading.
Chapter 3
First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Peacetime at last. For the most part. I have the feeling a lot of people weren't happy with the outcome. If they aren't then we got the calm before the storm here. Or maybe the naysayers are quiet for once or their uprisings are too easily squashed by local forces. Or maybe they're just too tired or too lazy to do anything about their distaste. No matter what the reason, it's quiet and I like it and won't question it anymore. Enough said. Soldiers finally get to lay down their weapons and come home. I could go home. I never did try, really. I'm still a little afraid of what my mother would do if I showed up on her doorstep hoping to catch up on the years and years I was gone. My mother can hold a grudge forever. She'd take it to the grave if she could and I know that. That's just the way it is. I'm still pretty content with being where I am today though. It's dull as hell but I still signed up for the job, dammit.

Speaking of peacetime, I happened to talk with a former enemy of mine who served in the same war I did. And we were talking like we never once were pointing guns at each other.

"You know you guys used to scare the breathing shit outta me. I remember I spent half the battle listening to your screeching war cries. It was so inhuman. I also felt it a bit in my spine…" I can't remember his name. Wasn't it something like Ichikawa Nozomu? All I remember was that he was a master sergeant in his army. "So when I went to visit this place on a whim, I was really surprised at how nice you people were. I got some dirty looks, sure, but that I can understand. I mean, if you went to my country you'd get the same thing- no, actually you'd get it worse. People at home are dicks. The say I showed there was this funeral going on and everyone, I mean, everyone, was there and everyone actually was grieving. You don't get that where I'm from. You're lucky if your friends and family show up. Most of them don't even act like they wanna be there. Then again we just say that all that happens after you die is that you just rot in the ground."

"We hear the same thing here, actually," I replied. "We're just a little tighter. But it depends on what part you're at too. Big cities are more impersonal, in my experience."

"By how much?"

"I dunno. I don't know many people in my hometown either."

"Yeah, we're nothing like you. We're the same jerks no matter where you go Same with the other territory except they're the nicest damn people you'd ever meet. You punch em in the face and they'll still give you a hug like you're their best friend. Gotta envy that idea though. Freaking country made me scared of most people."

"Here, you'd be afraid your girlfriend'll get so pissed at you that she'd report you to the Ground Troopers. At let you'll never get falsely accused."

"No, I have trouble taking shits sometimes knowing he'd hear every second of it."

"Either way, I think we're better off for now."

"You said it. I wonder how long it'll take for us to all, you know, integrate. We may be allowing tourists over borders and our kings may act like they're getting along- and you know they still hate each other's guts- but that doesn't change the fact that we've been at each other's throats for over five hundred years…"

About this… I've heard that families that were separated in the revolutions began to find and make contact with each other. So I guess blood is thicker than water. (Do they even know who each other are? I always wondered about that.) Some people were crying for this to happen for years, claiming that their separation wasn't their fault, were overjoyed that they finally got what they wanted. I don't know how these ever worked out. Whenever I read articles on this stuff, I usually get bored about halfway through and read something else.

The two kings are less enthusiastic about having to improve relations with each other as two civilians. The media enjoys covering such steps towards better relations. From how I see it, neither really cares. They're happy not having to be stressed out with the power. (I mean you can hear it in Mukuro's voice that she's actually relaxed… Something people attribute to something else, and I'll get to that later.) It's just having to deal with each other that annoys them. But they try to look like they're happy talking… On a side note, I once passed them during an exchange and I hear them grumbling cusses at each other with perfect smiles on their faces… I had trouble sleeping that night for some reason.

Yomi says he's determined to change his character altogether as a result of his meeting Yusuke. (Am I the only one who thinks he's just as full of shit as he was back in the day?) Lately he's been wandering aimlessly with his son, who has a real complex if you ask me. (Kid's walking around like they're gonna hand him the title of being king and he already knows it. What I wouldn't give to give him a good thrashing…) A few times Yomi showed up here and acted like he was so glad to see Mukuro. She gave him this look like, "You're so full of shit and you know it." And we all knew it (I can't look at him without thinking of flies being around him.) but he still acts like they're best friends.

Oh she let him have it one day. Yomi later told me he was just trying to be friendly and didn't mean to offend- which he really didn't- but…

"So everything's good fine between you and-what's his name?- Hiei, I assume?" I'm not lying, he really asked that question.

She'd heard that question so many times it didn't come off as a shock anymore. The bystanders just stopped in their tracks to see what she would say to Yomi. After a couple of moments of silence, Mukuro cocked a brow and replied, "Depends on your motive for asking, Yomi. Your interest on this particular element of my personal life is really unsettling."

And the look on Yomi's face was completely priceless. His face just said, What the hell? Then he found another approach. "I was just asking like a friend would…"

"If your friends ask about such things, I would suggest getting new ones. That's really none of their business and therefore none of yours, whether there happens to be a motive behind asking or not."

He just too the hint and finally moved on to a more appropriate conversation. I don't know what he was expecting- if he wanted a straight yes or no answer, or if he wanted an in-depth response. (Why did he have to ask that of all things anyway?) Either way the result was the same as others, and I knew it would be at the very least because Yomi's not that damn special. No matter how sneaky you are about it, Mukuro would always catch on quick and give you the same ambiguous answer as always.

No, really, this is a pretty annoying thing that's been circulating lately. For some reason, people have this misconception that she and Hiei are constantly having screaming passionate black-clawing sex. My answer, I mean, obviously I have some sort of answer, right? Obviously! I don't know and I don't care to know. If they are, then it really isn't showing in either of the two. If they are, this I strongly believe is something that should strictly remain between these two if they want it to. (Even if they do it should just be between them.) That's the way I was taught to act. Nothing good ever came out of being a scandalous busybody like that. (Oh, and the rumor that she might be pregnant… Fuck you guys. Just fuck you.)

I also happen to believe that such conversations would never have happened if it weren't for Yusuke Urameshi. Before you call me out on this one, let me say this- it wasn't intentional. Really it was just some joking between friends. He used to show up pretty often but not so much anymore. I think he went back to the Human World… But when he does show up, he usually says something along the lines of "Hey when you guys gonna get married? Better do it before she gets preggo and then the joke's gonna be on you." And somehow it caught on with other people… And the tabloids who seem to enjoy putting their relationship into question. I'm assuming they love soap operas who pull that crap. I also disapprove of that shit too.

I feel kind of bad for Hiei because he was so happy being obscure and now suddenly everyone wants to know his sexual status. He's pretty numb to the feeling now and frequently finds articles in newspapers just so he can find something to laugh at in there. (I have a feeling that I should feel sorry for him just for feeling he has to do that. It kind of scares the hell out of Mukuro.) Like Mukuro, he also refuses to give a straight answer and he has this knack for going on another tangent. (As in, "Can you tell us how your relationship is?"

"I wrote on a test once that she's wrong because she's a woman. Or at least I would if I ever went to school. Did you?")

Oh a similar awkward note, there's a few guys that hang around here that claim they fell in love with Mukuro at first sight of her face and one was bold enough to make a pass on her, which she handled with indifference. I have a feeling all they want a night in bed with her just to say they did it. But who knows? It's difficult to find a person who could see through that kind of thing. Me? I could tell you she's pretty but I would never lust after her and I wouldn't want to be around a person who blew a man to bits like that. Even if she is more lowkey than she used to be.

We're all on patrol duty. Some people from the other two territories join just because they were promised a job with adventure and were able to travel around to their heart's content. (I never figured out who said that. I would love to meet them.) That was a blown up lie. But that's lie. Most of us do our own thing. (I suspect Hiei gets over ten hours of sleep a day. But that's none of my business..) Sometimes we actually gather up as in this particular scenario. On this day, Shigure and Hiei were sitting at the table playing chess and this kid from Grandara, whose name was something like Tomitake Tohma (but for some reason everyone just calls him Testuya) and I were watching. We all had a beer except for Hiei. He's a real lightweight. I think it has something to do with his height. I don't know how it works.

"Stupid, pawns can't move sideways," Shigure said as he shook his head at Hiei.

"They do now so fuck you." he moved it back anyway and then pushed it to the next black square.

"What! They don't move diagonally either."

"Not if you eat the enemy."

"You don't eat them either. You just kill them."

"So you mean to tell me that you just stand on their corpse and dance?"

"You don't dance on their corpse."

But you're admitting that you at least stand on their corpse?"

"What does it matter?"

"Would you want to stay in the same foxhole with a corpse?"

"So you're saying that after killing one thousand of those demons plus however many you may have done in the past, you're scared to be near a corpse?"

"One thousand one counting you actually."

"That doesn't count. I'm still here."

"The records have you reported dead on that date. I checked. Which makes you a zombie."

"The n you're reported dead on that date as well, which also makes you a zombie. Hurry up and make your move."

Hiei frowned at him before making a logical move. "See, there's a reason they make multiple life sentences and this is why. …And also in the off chance that someone gains immortality."

"Bull shit!" Testuya cried.

"Read a book on the legal system. They'll answer your questions about multiple life sentences."

"How do you know? When'd you ever get interested in legal issues?"

"You ask too many questions, you know that? What are you again, a master sergeant, command sergeant major? Same difference."

"Hey there's a big difference!"

"One's higher than the other and the pretty picture you wear is difference. Oh, what a big tragedy that is."

"That's the difference between a corporal and a sergeant! Or a lieutenant and a captain! You see huge differences in power there!"

"So the corporal gets kicked around by the sergeant in the same way a lieutenant gets kicked around by a captain. Yet all four have to answer to a general and the five of them all have to answer to the king. Let's not also forget that they'll all rot in the ground with worms in their intestines at the moment of their untimely death. So you may think you have everything for having that title but in the end you'll just be a pile of worm shit."

"Just answer my question!"

"See you don't go up in ranks by asking questions. You just make a name for yourself as a philosopher."

"Hiei, just answer the kid's question or we'll all being hearing him begging for the answer all day," I finally said.

Apparently he was disappointed that his fun was over. "Look, I held a government position for about six months. I had to read about the government's policies. And Mukuro stared over my shoulder the whole time to make sure that I was reading it. She didn't trust me doing shit alone for some reason." She never did that for me. Thankfully.

"I did too… And I mean that I read the legal stuff but not that part!" Testsuya just wanted to take the other side of the question.

"Yomi's a dumb ass for making you have to read all that. What's the point of knowing your unprotected rights as a criminal on the field of battle? But he also took six tries to realize people love the sound of communism."

"Hey, my family supported him from the start… And how do you feel about communism?"

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"Oh come on…"

"Well, look, since I know you're not gonna let this die. Capitalism's based on every man for himself so it kills people too fast for anyone to enjoy it. Communism does it too slow because everyone has to work together- that is if anyone decided to do real communism. But socialism… Socialism gets it right. You can go at the pace you want."

"You're screwed up! So you're a socialist?"

"No. I don't choose sides. You have to keep contributing to the same things over and over. I don't like consistency. It's boring."

"Because you say things like that I'm glad you never joined the army," Shigure said as he killed a knight.

Testuya stared at him blankly. Then he got this look on his face like a pig when he realizes that there's some food to eat. "Hey, wait. What army would you join if we all had to be at war?"

"Well, considering that I got stuck here…" Hiei said without even looking up as he attempted to move a rook diagonally. Shigure looked like he was ready to strangle him.

"Where are you from anyway? You a native cause you kinda talk weird like the people weird. Except you have this weird other… Tone on it. I've heard people from Raizen's area and they don't have that weird thing you have. It's weird. What the hell's with your accent-y thing?"

Hiei looked at him and shook his head. "You talk funny. When you're hear, you're the one with the funny accent. Or at least I think that's what you're trying to say."

"You… I'm from another country, I have an excuse. What's yours?"

"I'm not from anywhere in particular anyway. I never stayed in one area long enough to become particularly attached. I wouldn't have the patience to stay anywhere too long anyway."

"If it didn't matter where your birthplace was and you had to choose any army, which one you pick? That's the point in case you forgot," Shigure said. "And goddammit, you twit, bishops move diagonally! Not side to side!"

"Why do you even care? You can't pick sides until it was convenient for you," he quickly replied and started juggling some random pieces just to piss him off even more. He stopped and held up two pawns like antennae. "And as far as you're concerned, I just fell from a foreign planet. I might have just wanted you all to live well and prosper."

"I think you're one step away from insanity at this point. And you know you just picked sides because it was interesting to you. Story of your life."

"I didn't have a choice anyway. I was just bored either way."

"Then neither did I." Such a mature reply.

"What exactly is the difference between the three of you anyway? You guys all seem the same."

It looked like it was my time to give my two cents. "Well, for us, we're more depending on discipline and all that good stuff. We go for the kill no matter what it takes. That's what I remember from basic training so many years ago. I've actually heard of some generals giving their soldiers only four bullets for their rifles to up that survival instinct. We don't depend on those too much really. I've also heard of another who insisted his men make at least a certain number of kills each day in order to be able to return to the barracks. And he kept track of it by requiring them to bring their company commander a souvenir. They all had to be the same part of the body… Well, over all, we lost very few battles and have been given the title as the best military force in the world. Not much when you have three but…" Hiei just stated that he could live with doing all that. It was his style anyway.

"Well, you guys got will power…" I stopped Testuya to assure him that it was not will power. Not unless you're less than eight years old. "Well, you got discipline but we got the technology to blow you to pieces."

Okay, there's something wrong here again. "What good is holding a rifle is you don't have enough sense to know not to point it at yourself?"

"Hey, don't get me wrong or anything. We got training and pretty good training, too, but it just got outdated really fast because every year we'd change the artillery so it got out of hand to keep in track of especially if you had bad memory."

"Well, you're all a pretty close number two. You guys get it right pretty often. Often enough to do a good number of us in. Now, Raizen I know we both easily leave in the dust."

"Yeah…" Tetsuya considered it. "Yeah, I heard they got the best food though."

"But is it worth being around a bunch of depressed people waiting for their king to die? Let's face it. That's what kept them down."

And Hiei came to his final verdict, "Heh. You all suck. But I think I was just fine where I was anyway."

"You guys had some problems, too, right?" Tesyua asked me, ignoring Hiei's comment completely. "Cause I remember this one time, right? I was over here walking to the mess tin one day and the lieutenant comes by looking all mad. Then he saw me and he was all like, 'Hey, CSM, I need you to go find Capt. Takahashi for me. I can't find him anywhere and I gotta go to this meeting.' So I just said okay and walked away. I knew I'd find him quick because I'm real good at finding people. And I walked into this abandoned building- that's where they used to put the horses but they were replaced with jeeps and whatnot- and then I heard these moaning sounds from inside and then I heard the Captain's voice. So I walked in and then I saw the Captain in there buttfucking a doctor (Did I mention that he's one of those comedians who doesn't know when the joke ends?) It's one thing if it's a nurse but this was a doctor! A man doctor! And I saw his junk and everything and then I freaked out, right? So then I just go and tell him he was needed and then I walked out. I couldn't sleep. I kept dreaming about getting T-bagged for a week!"

What the fuck? "I've walked in on soldiers and nurses but never anything like that. Think about it, though. Years away from women. You'd start wanting to go out and see someone, anyone to get a change in pace. All military have such things going on. That's just how things turn out." I thought about it and added, "It's stories like this that make me glad I stayed a corporal. It's pretty good being a normal guy."

"Well, that and upper ranks get to stay inside and be safe. I think that's shit, actually," Hiei added. Just when he was about to make a move, Mukuro walked in and was immediately interested in the game she just walked in on. He put a hand on a bishop and smirked at Shigure. "Hey, Shigure."

"What?" Shigure's eyes were glued to the board, thinking of his next move.

"Check mate!" He threw him the bird as he knocked over the king.

"What? How?"

"While you were mocking my illogical moves, dumb fuck."

"Hiei's actually smarter you think," Mukuro said.

Apparently Hiei took this as a challenge. "You think so?"

"Sure. You just don't act like it." She paused. "By the way, don't get so drunk that you pass out. All of you. But mostly you, Hiei."

"Why do I get most of it?"

"You know why."

"No I don't."

"This is why people think you're stupid."

As you can see, we have too much time on our hands.

I've been called in for interviews lately. Most of them are foreigners begging to know the true face of Mukuro, rather than the authoritarian tyrant they've told horror stories about around the campfire. And it seems like I'm the next reliable source. They claim I am anyway.

Well, I guess if you think about it… Both Yomi and Mukuro are out of the question because they explicitly stated that they don't want to be badgered by interviewers on their rule until everything settles down in the world. (Which is comparable to saying "When pigs fly." Oddly enough scientists have for years been trying to make this possible.) Shura, Yomi's son, is also out of the question because he was unaware of any details prior to what we already know. Besides, children don't understand much about the world.

As far as the second in commands go, I seem to be the only one that has seen enough to know what was really going on and enough to have a good perspective on what was going on. As part of his lifestyle as a monk, one which continues long after Raizen's death and continues to plan to do so, Hokushin refuses to come into contact with any more technology than he already has- and this rules out cameras. (He says this but I think this is like his vow to never eat human flesh. We all know damn well that he did because he looks pretty good for a starving man.) Yusuke Urameshi, who we all know became king, had nothing important to say. Some reporters, however, beg for his say so they can have the benefit of saying they have a human perspective. Yomi didn't have anyone in a position long enough to tell their side of the story. Yomi went through advisors the same way he went through number twos. Meaning that he had one for about ten years at the most. (Once that one named Sachi came into power, the position of number two stabilized. I've got no doubt in my mind that he had a hand in the killings.) Kurama would then only be able to to tell us what we already know, other than whatever happened with Sachi. He was clueless about the rules of the three kings but he was still happy to give him what little he did experience. Supposedly the guy's been pulling the knight in shining armor act since he became human. Hiei is the same way as you could tell from the conversation before. Though, people are too busy bugging Hiei about his relationship with Mukuro to give a flying fuck about whether he had some good reflections on the whole thing anyway.

So it looks like I'm the ideal one to ask. Or I would be if I were the portrait of a gentleman like our human friend I mentioned before. I hate interviews because once one person interviews you, then everybody and their mother comes knocking on your door with a camera or tape recorder in one hand and a notepad in the other. And we all know they all ask the same questions and the ones after the first interviewer seems to think they'll get more information out of the person the next time around.

"What was it like being the right hand man to your king?" they'll ask. It's nothing to be proud of like most people think. The people at the bottom, people like my family and hell, maybe even yours, would think that it's the best job in the world. The guard who took away your parents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors friends know better. You have to live with being a name associated with a killer. What your leader does, your name is signed right next to it. Like just about everything else in world, it all comes back down to you.

I shouldn't have coveted this job.

I shouldn't have accepted this job.

I sometimes wish that I had died rather than take this job. Just gone out in the battlefield and got my brains blown out. I could have been happy taking my happy ass home from the war and continuing with the family business. I could have been a nobody. I should have been a normal schizophrenic man. Just a nobody, you know? Nobodies are poor and but ignorant and ignorance is bliss. It's fucking orgasmic. Nobodies scrape for their last meal and suffer in the extremes but they're ignorant and ignorance is bliss.

I got one more thing to say before I end this. Some of you at this point may remember STAFF SERGEANT and by now some of you may have forgotten about him. Whether you did or not doesn't matter. As far as you're concerned, he's just another word in here because he was never given the honor of having a name.

As I figured at the time, there was no need for secrecy. Mukuro wasn't the king anymore nor was her word absolute anymore. I could ask her anything I wanted about the government. King Enki encouraged openness, something Yomi mocked as a repeat of glasnost and perestroika which caused a human country to fall to pieces. (To which the king addressed by stating that he should be the first to open up his secrets and become and example to the others. I always thought Yomi thought, "Shit!") But back on track…

So I confronted her one day… "Do you remember, or should I say… Where are the records of everyone in the country?"

She looked at me and I knew then that she knew where I was going with it. She didn't want to go for the throat just yet. "Oh, the chamber of records is where the capital was. That's where the census bureau is located. Are you trying to get reconnected with your family? you never went home when you could have left. I noticed that. Or were you told you could never leave?"

"Actually that last one is a yes. It has nothing to do with my family."

"That's a shame. You actually have a family. You should cherish them."

Was I supposed to pity her? I wouldn't have been surprised if she killed her own parents. Or am I being bitter? "Knowing my mother, my family would have been convinced that I was no good because I took the job. It has nothing to do with me. Look, unless you're willing to save me the trouble of going all the way over there, then there's not much more you need to know."

"I might. I know more people than you think."

"You know that guy… That… Staff sergeant."

"Your supposed hallucination?"

"You never believed that I was…?"

"Schizophrenic? Nope. I always doubted it."

"And you never said anything? You just let them tell me that?"

"It's not really my place to go around telling the military what they did wrong. At best, I can ensure that they've been fired. I have so little time to monitor that stuff. And at the time, I didn't have enough evidence to back such a claim anyway."

Other than your word being law? "So what made you think I wasn't?"

"I've seen enough to know who's got what. So you're looking for your friend in the records. So let me get this straight- he was a poet and he wrote something the state didn't like- correct?" I nodded. "So you tried to contact him after he panicked about the whole thing?"

"Called him and this lady picks up and tells me she always lived where she was at and that no one ever had the same number." at that point, I was starting to dread the outcome. If she were to admit that she were too bad of a person, then she would have to atone for the sins she committed. It was part of the job. Would she go and admit what she did, I wondered…

"What town are you from?" she asked me, dancing around the answer.

"Small city. Pretty much a farm town. HINAMIZAWA."

"He was too?"


"Well, that's certainly strange for a small town. You usually hear of such things in places around the capital. Well, I'll save you the trip because it would most likely end the same way if you asked about him… It's hopeless. Unless he killed himself, which I know he didn't, you would find no record of him."

I thought to myself that it was shocking that she was actually being truthful about the whole thing. I was beginning to think I'd have to pry it out of her. And we both knew exactly what she meant by what she said. I had to hear it come out of her own mouth. So I asked her, "Meaning what?"

"Taken away by the Troopers. Reported and taken away."

"To Purgatorio?"

"Not if he's lucky. Death is better than Purgatorio. I wouldn't want you to see what it changes him into. You'd even see the change in the guards there."

"Surely there's got to be some indication that he was there."

"The army had no record of him, did they?"


"He was taken then." I heard some regret in her voice. It wasn't enough to make me back off. I had to know the whole truth whether it destroyed everything for me. After living so many years of lies, you'd do the same. Don't think I'm horrible. "Look, these guys were thorough. When they take someone away, they make sure there is no trace at all of the person. They erase a person's records, completely redecorate their home, and replace them with a gullible or otherwise brainwashed or unquestioning civilian. It'd be like they never existed. That's exactly what they want you to think."

"But I remember him!"

She gave me this look like I didn't hear a word she just said. "You may be the only one. You're the small percentage of people that wouldn't be so easily influenced. It's a bitch to accept but memory alone isn't a source. I could distinctly remember you knifing me yesterday after you horribly violated me but that doesn't necessarily mean it happened without solid evidence. Though even then that evidence could be false…"

"I don't want to listen to a philosophy lecture! Are there any records of the staff sergeant or not!"

"We both know he existed. That's a fact. Just between us. And I'm sure that's what you wanted to hear. I don't know what going to the records will prove for you but I will admit that he was taken away by the Ground Troopers because he was reported as an enemy to the government. All records of him have been lost for good."

"But why did he have to die? Why did anyone have to die?"

"Power hunger from all sides. Each and every angle." And then she looked at me with the creepiest blank stare. It was probably what it was like to look at the open eyes of a ghost or a corpse. It was just something beyond living. Words can't describe it. "Each and every angle."

"You don't fully understand do you?"

"Or is it you who doesn't fully understand? How would you like writing the letters of condolences to each of the thousands of families affected though you're unsure as to whether or not they would even remember or choose to remember the person mentioned in the letter let alone whether there's anyone who would be able to received the letter at all? What's the worst part is that whether or not you do so makes no difference because you may have written to a million families but you don't even know if that's even a drop in the bucket. Hell, it might just be a drop in a lake or in the ocean. You know how many drops it takes just to make one goddamned puddle with a radius of a meter and just a centimeter in depth? Pretty damn hard to keep track. And by doing so you're just rekindling the flames of hate against the state. And it's all in my own name. And I have to go to bed everyday and have that shit looming over me. I can't even sit alone without feeling that hanging on me. I never was completely alone. It's always been me and my hate. Just me and my hate."

"But he's not just another statistic."

"'One man is a life. A million is a statistic.' But you and I become nothing more than names after we're all done. The way things happened for your friend just erased that name altogether. There's nothing I can do for you or for him. Unless you wanted to see me go into pieces and commit suicide because of that one man then you have no reason to pursue the topic any further."

At that point I just got so angry that I just finally let her have it. "You're such a heartless bitch you don't really feel guilty about the lives you took, are you? It's just one giant glass of split milk that you need to clean up! And you justify it by saying that you weren't in the right mind because all that fuels your actions are emotions. How an impulsive cunt like you ever was able to get into power I have no clue. Might as well let any random serial killer just waltz into power."

And then she just stared at me. She didn't say anything at all. She didn't even change expressions. At the time, I just wanted her to say something, anything. Because she didn't made me even angrier. But right now I had no doubt in my mind that she already had those same thoughts.

That look she had. It was the look someone has when they contemplate suicide. Whether or not she ever did say anything of the sort to Hiei in their various meetings I don't know.

When I came back, Hiei just looked at me like he knew exactly what the hell was going on. He just had this whole "been there, done that" look on his face. He pulled me aside and then we went drinking and he passed out for the first time. (This was him trying to be comforting.)

…That's all that you need to know. Please don't ask anymore questions. I can't stand it.

[This is not a call for sympathy or an accusation. Just a statement of the truth. This was no sponsored by any third party.]


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Chapter 3
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